Beneath the Surface

As kids, we always played pretend. I was really, really good at it. You see, I'm a Baptist pastor's daughter. I learned early to treat everyone with fairly regardless of how I felt on the inside. It was my job to set the example for my peers of how to love the unlovely and welcome the unwelcome into my Sunday School classes, and then into the youth group. God loves everyone and welcomes everyone into His family is a message I learned very early, and I was determined not to be the one who drove someone away from the church with my rudeness.

You see, I like to think that I'm good at making conscious efforts to treat all people with dignity and respect and treat them in a nonjudgemental way. Growing up a PK and then 18 years as an RN mean that I've usually got pretty good brakes on my mouth and a well-practiced poker face.

But that's all just show, isn't it? God knows what's inside. He knows my heart and my motives. He knows who drives me batty and who I secretly would like to shove in front of a bus. And if I have to make a conscious effort not to roll my eyes at people or keep the unkind remark silent, He knows. And He knows how much pride I have in myself when I think I've been successful with the show and treated an untouchable well.

And I know I'm not the only Christian with an enormous capacity for self-delusion.

But the lesson for today isn't that we're all big phonies. We all know that. The lesson is that even though we are, God still loves us. He knows what's inside us - and still loves us. He loves us enough to try to correct us over and over again even when we don't catch on. We can't earn that kind of love no matter how good a show we put on. We just have to be surrender to being changed on the inside so that what is on the outside is an extension of the inside and not just a cover-up.


anything but typical

Psalm 139 by Rebecca St. James

You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There's nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You'll never let me go
I don't deserve Your love
But you give it freely,
You will always love me
Even though You know
You will always love me
Even though you know