Past Time for a Pit Stop

It has been a very long time since I've written - too long. And of course, it's not because I haven't been doing stuff; it's because I haven't done or thought much that needed to be said out loud.

Just after my last blog entry, we began homeschooling our son, David, a 10th grader through the University of Nebraska's Independent Study High School. He has a rare medical condition that causes him to miss a lot of school and it put him in conflict with a teacher who asserted that he did not "deserve" a spot in an honors classroom because of his attendance. I thought it couldn't be that hard. He's an extraordinarily bright young man. Unfortunately for David, it took until December for us to realize he's primarily an auditory learner and to figure out how to "do school" in a way that helped him to learn. It was January before he began to experience for himself a measure of success. He's in an accredited program and he actually has teachers who hand-grade written papers - so it's not just left to me to decide if he's learned material and met a standard. Anyway, now it's July, and we're basically in the 7th month of our school year because we really didn't get going well until January.

We also had a long Advent season of music followed by a very early Lent and Easter, so there was a lot of music to get ready and finish. We went to DC for a week in March, and any mother out there knows what that means. I'm still working 3 days a week and volunteering to be called off when the schedule is low so that David and I can have extra school days together. David finished his Eagle Scout requirements and we had a big ceremony and party in February. We've got guys coming to paint, tile, and otherwise maintain the house doing things I've always taken care of because I don't have time any more. Rachel (who has a great deal of "girl drama") is going to karate 3-4 times a week trying to get ready to test for her black belt in two weeks and to go to a tournament next weekend. I'm trying to carve out Rachel and Mom time so that she doesn't feel neglected because I have to have so much 1-on-1 time with David doing school. She's determined to earn her Silver Award for Girl Scouts and I really do want to help her reach her goal, too.

And most definitely and certainly not least, Kenny needs my time as well.

I end up staying up until midnight doing laundry, paying bills, studying the next Geometry, or French, or 11th grade English Literature lesson and getting up early to have another go at making it through the day. Sometimes I just end up staring blankly at the dog because there's so much stuff to do that I can't get started on any of it.

Last week's gospel reading has been with me all week. "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I'm weary and heaven laden. I need rest. And it will have to be a divine intervention, because nothing in my life is going to change. No obligations are going away. No cavalry is coming. No wind is blowing Mary Poppins my way.

I've begun to think of this gospel reading in a different way. As much as I would really like to hole up alone in a B&B for a week to eat bonbons, read Clive Cussler novels, and sleep late, that's about as likely as the Nanny scenario. I really doubt that Jesus was talking about giving anybody the day off - other than the usual Sabbath. I think it has to be a rest from the spiritual struggles.

It made me think about something while I was watching racing this week. Yes, I confess that I love racing - NASCAR, IndyCars, Formula One, NHRA, motorcycles. It doesn't matter. I'll watch anything go fast and turn left (and sometimes right). For track racing, there are rules about when you can and can not make a pit stop. Often when to come in to the pit it is a strategic move made by the racing team. When it is coming down to the end of a close race, teams try to estimate how much fuel is needed to finish the laps and whether or not the tires have enough rubber left. If they get it right, it can help a driver make it across the line first. If they get it wrong, the car may be too heavy from too much fuel, or may run out of fuel before the end and be out of the race altogether. The drivers and their teams are in constant communication to try to make the best call.

Sometimes a spiritual pit stop is in order. And of course, I don't always make it. Instead of paying attention to the still, small voice, I tell myself that I can go a little further; I can make it.

And really, I can't. I end up out of spiritual fuel, coasting, and watching the impending wreckage barreling towards me from behind.

All I can do is to depend on Jesus' promise that He would provide Rest.

anything but typical



Jesus, Take the Wheel
as recorded by Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

© MUSIC OF STAGE THREE
© MUSIC OF WINDSWEPT
© NO SUCH MUSIC
© PASSING STRANGER MUSIC
© SONGS OF COMBUSTION MUSIC
© SONY/ATV TUNES D/B/A CROSS KEYS PUB