Past Time for a Pit Stop

It has been a very long time since I've written - too long. And of course, it's not because I haven't been doing stuff; it's because I haven't done or thought much that needed to be said out loud.

Just after my last blog entry, we began homeschooling our son, David, a 10th grader through the University of Nebraska's Independent Study High School. He has a rare medical condition that causes him to miss a lot of school and it put him in conflict with a teacher who asserted that he did not "deserve" a spot in an honors classroom because of his attendance. I thought it couldn't be that hard. He's an extraordinarily bright young man. Unfortunately for David, it took until December for us to realize he's primarily an auditory learner and to figure out how to "do school" in a way that helped him to learn. It was January before he began to experience for himself a measure of success. He's in an accredited program and he actually has teachers who hand-grade written papers - so it's not just left to me to decide if he's learned material and met a standard. Anyway, now it's July, and we're basically in the 7th month of our school year because we really didn't get going well until January.

We also had a long Advent season of music followed by a very early Lent and Easter, so there was a lot of music to get ready and finish. We went to DC for a week in March, and any mother out there knows what that means. I'm still working 3 days a week and volunteering to be called off when the schedule is low so that David and I can have extra school days together. David finished his Eagle Scout requirements and we had a big ceremony and party in February. We've got guys coming to paint, tile, and otherwise maintain the house doing things I've always taken care of because I don't have time any more. Rachel (who has a great deal of "girl drama") is going to karate 3-4 times a week trying to get ready to test for her black belt in two weeks and to go to a tournament next weekend. I'm trying to carve out Rachel and Mom time so that she doesn't feel neglected because I have to have so much 1-on-1 time with David doing school. She's determined to earn her Silver Award for Girl Scouts and I really do want to help her reach her goal, too.

And most definitely and certainly not least, Kenny needs my time as well.

I end up staying up until midnight doing laundry, paying bills, studying the next Geometry, or French, or 11th grade English Literature lesson and getting up early to have another go at making it through the day. Sometimes I just end up staring blankly at the dog because there's so much stuff to do that I can't get started on any of it.

Last week's gospel reading has been with me all week. "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I'm weary and heaven laden. I need rest. And it will have to be a divine intervention, because nothing in my life is going to change. No obligations are going away. No cavalry is coming. No wind is blowing Mary Poppins my way.

I've begun to think of this gospel reading in a different way. As much as I would really like to hole up alone in a B&B for a week to eat bonbons, read Clive Cussler novels, and sleep late, that's about as likely as the Nanny scenario. I really doubt that Jesus was talking about giving anybody the day off - other than the usual Sabbath. I think it has to be a rest from the spiritual struggles.

It made me think about something while I was watching racing this week. Yes, I confess that I love racing - NASCAR, IndyCars, Formula One, NHRA, motorcycles. It doesn't matter. I'll watch anything go fast and turn left (and sometimes right). For track racing, there are rules about when you can and can not make a pit stop. Often when to come in to the pit it is a strategic move made by the racing team. When it is coming down to the end of a close race, teams try to estimate how much fuel is needed to finish the laps and whether or not the tires have enough rubber left. If they get it right, it can help a driver make it across the line first. If they get it wrong, the car may be too heavy from too much fuel, or may run out of fuel before the end and be out of the race altogether. The drivers and their teams are in constant communication to try to make the best call.

Sometimes a spiritual pit stop is in order. And of course, I don't always make it. Instead of paying attention to the still, small voice, I tell myself that I can go a little further; I can make it.

And really, I can't. I end up out of spiritual fuel, coasting, and watching the impending wreckage barreling towards me from behind.

All I can do is to depend on Jesus' promise that He would provide Rest.

anything but typical



Jesus, Take the Wheel
as recorded by Carrie Underwood

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It would been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

© MUSIC OF STAGE THREE
© MUSIC OF WINDSWEPT
© NO SUCH MUSIC
© PASSING STRANGER MUSIC
© SONGS OF COMBUSTION MUSIC
© SONY/ATV TUNES D/B/A CROSS KEYS PUB

The Fourth Day

As Cursillo ends, they begin to talk about the Fourth Day. You see, Cursillo is a retreat that lasts 3 days, and the Fourth Day is that part of your life that you step into when Cursillo is over. I've done a lot of thinking about what that means.

Cursillo is a coccoon. From the moment you arrive, you are served for, loved, protected, and nurtured in body, soul, and spirit.

For me, it began when I had to get into someone else's car for the ride up there. I had to separate myself from even my car (which is not easy). There was no escape route for me. But it was also a great transition. It gave me time to wind down my thoughts of home and spend a few moments thinking about the adventure ahead.

Conversely, on the way back after such a mountaintop experience, it allowed me a few moments to think transition back to "the real world" and all the responsibilities awaiting me.

So while I had Monday off from work, there was still laundry, and school, and kids, bills to be paid, and the dog to be picked up from the kennel, and the Amish Friendship Bread that had to be baked before it exploded in the kitchen. And today was back to work.

So now comes the hard part - living out my renewed committment.

We can always pretend to be perfect Christians. And we would always be wrong.

We should strive to live into the lives that God has for us, but the reality is that our Christian lives are a continuum. We often spend more time looking towards the altar than on our knees in front of it.

God help us to stay at the altar, and not outside the door.

anything but typical


Somewhere In The Middle by Casting Crowns 2007

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
Without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
Or are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender
without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end
and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences,
the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
or are we caught in the middle

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

Beggar Lice and other sticky situations

I don't know what people in other places call them, but here in South Georgia, we call them beggar lice. The inventors of Velcro must have had these things in mind.

These things are little tiny seed pods that stick onto everything they touch. They aren't prickly like sand spurs, but they are invasive weeds and easily contaminate other areas.

Thursday night, they were God's object lesson for me.

I spent the last weekend at Cursillo#111. For those of you who don't know, Cursillo is a short intensive course in Christianity. It is more of an experience than an event, and if you ever have the opportunity to go, take it. Thursday evening was the first night of the retreat and we talked about sin and confession. I sat there thinking that I don't really have anything to drag myself to confession for (or what the Episcopal Church calls the Rite of the Reconciliation of a Penitent). I wasn't feeling smug or anything, not holier-than-thou, just "prayed up". My Baptist friends and readers know what I mean.

After the completion of Compline (the last evening service), Kenny and I walked back through the darkness lit by our flashlight. He went to his room and I went to mine.

As I was getting ready for bed, I saw them - beggar lice - on the hem of my jeans. There's only one way to get rid of them. You have to pick each one off by hand. You can't shake them off and get rid of them at once. Each one requires your attention. They can't hurt you, but if you take one of them home, they'll take over your whole yard.

How often do "little sins" fill up and ruin our lives? How many times have we called ourselves "confident" when really we were prideful? How about "self-assured" when really we were arrogant? How often has "me time" really been about selfishness and not about nurturing?

How many of these little things are we dragging though our lives spreading the infestation as we go?

As I stood at the bathroom sink picking the beggar lice off my pants, I though about how much it was like Confession. It's easier to ask forgiveness for infractions of the "Big 10" - they are more obvious and painful. But how often do we take the time to sit down and root out the other sins.

One of the prayers for after Communion, includes the line:

And Father, send us out to do the work you have given us to do (BCP p 366)

Maybe, part of that work is getting rid of our own spiritual beggar lice.


anything but typical



Whiter Than Snow (1872 by James Nicholson, Music by William G. Fischer)
http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/w/h/i/whiterts.htm

Lord Jesus, I long to be perfectly whole;
I want Thee forever to live in my soul.
Break down every idol, cast out every foe;
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Refrain
Whiter than snow, yes, whiter than snow.
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Lord Jesus, let nothing unholy remain,
Apply Thine own blood and extract ev’ry stain;
To get this blest cleansing, I all things forego—
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Refrain

Lord Jesus, look down from Thy throne in the skies,
And help me to make a complete sacrifice.
I give up myself, and whatever I know,
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Refrain

Lord Jesus, for this I most humbly entreat,
I wait, blessèd Lord, at Thy crucified feet.
By faith, for my cleansing, I see Thy blood flow,
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Refrain

Lord Jesus, Thou seest I patiently wait,
Come now, and within me a new heart create;
To those who have sought Thee, Thou never saidst “No,”
Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Refrain

The blessing by faith, I receive from above;
O glory! my soul is made perfect in love;
My prayer has prevailed, and this moment I know,
The blood is applied, I am whiter than snow.

Refrain

The Measure of a Man

My son, a 15-year old soon-to-be Eagle Scout, is wiser than most adults sometimes. While listening to an NPR piece about the effect the Michael Vick scandal will have on the Falcons team, he told his Dad, "They might not find a better quarterback, but they can find a better man."

You see, David is surrounded by men who live their lives honorably. He has seen positive examples of manhood.

My husband's late father was one of them. He was 20-year Navy man who loved his family more than anything else. He had a sharp temper and a wicked sense of humor. He was occasionally very rough around the edges, and softened by the love and influence of Kenny's mother. He loved being a police officer, but took a job at the post office because he needed to better support his family. He was a man who always tried to do the right thing regardless of the cost or how much easier the wrong thing would have been. He was a man who was changed for the better because of the presence of God in his life.

My Dad is a minister. He was a supervisor in the electrical department at the paper mill to pay the bills, but "minister" defines who he is. He is a gentle soul, kind, compassionate, unwavering in his faith, wise, soft-spoken. I can't tell you how many people I've met, who say, "Yes, I know your Dad. He is such a good man." He lives his life in service to others and to God.

There are others in David's life - scoutmasters, clergy members, teachers, friends - but most of all, David watches his Dad. He sees Kenny's faithfulness to our family and to his faith. He sees Kenny's stubborn refusal to compromise on issues of importance. He sees Kenny lovingly indulge my whims and eccentricities. He is able to articulate his beliefs, and often has discussions with others about what we believe.

I am fortunate enough to now have been married half my life to my best friend. Twenty years ago today, I vowed to submit myself unto him as unto the Lord, and he promised to love me as Christ loves the church and give his life for me. Although I have not always managed my part well, I have never regretted it.

Happy Anniversary, Kenny!

anything but typical



A Few Good Men by Bill Gaither


What this dying world could use is a willing Man of God
Who dares to go against the grain and works without applause;
A man who'll raise the shield of Faith, protecting what is pure;
Whose love is tough and gentle; a man whose word is sure.

God doesn't need an Orator who knows what just to say;
He doesn't need authorities to reason Him away;
He doesn't need an army to guarantee a win;
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Men full of Compassion, who Laugh and Love and Cry-
Men who'll face Eternity and aren't afraid to die-
Men who'll fight for Freedom and Honor once again-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

He calls the broken derelict whose life has been renewed;
He calls the one who has the strength to stand up for the Truth.
Enlistment lines are open and He wants you to come in-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Men full of Compassion, who Laugh and Love and Cry-
Men who'll face Eternity and aren't afraid to die-
Men who'll fight for Freedom and Honor once again-
He just needs a Few Good Men.

Staring into the Sun

From Simply Christian by N.T. Wright:

A great many arguments about God - God's existence, God's nature, God's actions in the world - run the risk of being like pointing a flashlight toward the sky to see if the sun is shining. It is all too easy to make the mistake of speaking and thinking as though God (if there is a God) might be a being, an entity, within our world, accessible to our interested study in the same sort of way we might study music or mathematics, open to our investigation by the same sort of techniques we use for objects and entities within our world....The difficulty is that speaking of God in anything like the Christian sense is like staring into the sun. It's dazzling. It's easier, actually, to look away from the sun itself and to enjoy the fact that, once it's well and truly risen, you can see everything else clearly.

I almost killed a guy yesterday.

My car has a leak in one of the hoses in the power steering system, and I'd like to try not to burn out the pump before I can get it fixed. So I went down to the auto parts store to get some power steering fluid.

That's where I almost killed a man.

Here's how it went.

I went in and asked the young man behind the counter, told him that I needed power steering fluid for my 2004 Kia, and asked him where I could find it.

At that point the young man took his life in his hands and said,"Are you sure that's what you want? What did your husband ask you to get?"

I took a deep breath, tried not to jump across the counter and gouge out his eyes, and said very quietly, "My husband asked for a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk, but what I need is power steering fluid. Now, just point."

Now, my husband is a smart man, and can see a leak in a hose just as well as I can. But that's just it. I CAN see gunk dripping out of the car, and yes, I do know what a power steering pump looks like. The little fluid level chamber is very clearly marked on my car, so I can figure out for myself if the level is low. A Y-chromosome is not necessary to open the hood of the car and check these things. Kenny was not home when I noticed the problem and I did not feel any fear or trepidation about looking for the problem myself. And honestly, I probably would still first look for myself.

My Dad didn't raise me to avoid anything because of my gender. I have helped him shingle the roof and paint the workshop. I helped him do wiring in a house we lived in when I was a kid and helped him pull the transmission out of an old station wagon. He came over several years ago and helped me change out the power steering pump on a 1992 Jeep Cherokee. (See, I have power steering pump experience.) He and Mom always told me that being a girl didn't excuse me from anything. Femininity does not exclude intelligence and being ladylike does not demand dependence on others.

Paul said that in Christ there is no Jew or Greek, no male or female, that all are the same in Christ. No one is higher or more valuable than the other. And while we may all have different jobs, strengths, weaknesses, and purposes to fulfill, God made us all in His image. While some may believe that my being female disqualifies me from serving in particular roles in the church, I disagree. I believe that the problems occur (1)when women fail to do what God tells us to do, and (2)when others prohibit or discourage us from doing as God has commanded because of gender.

After all, to whom must I give my answer for my obedience - God or man?

Preach the gospel to all the world, and if necessary, use words - St. Francis of Assisi

I am always amazed at how God works stuff out, and has different people all thinking about the same stuff. Last week, we finished a book study on St. Benedict's Toolbox by Jane Tomaine. Benedict was an advocate, not so much of cloistering, but of monastic rule "in order to help the monastic community that he founded to better love God, self and each other by providing some guidelines on how to live a spiritual life in community." For most of us, that is relevant as a recommendation to think clearly about the guiding principles of our lives and making a conscious effort as to how we should live as disciples of Christ.

Now, I have to admit, I wasn't working on that book, but reading Simply Christian. In it, Bishop Wright talks about the fact that God's realm and our realm are separated by a spiritual veil, but overlap and interlock and we are, in fact, those points of connection, bringing the presence of God with us as we are walking, living, moving Temples of God. We live in the place between this broken creation and the Living God who loved us and it so much that He launched a rescue operation to save it and us. That was Christ's job, and as His emissaries in our own generation, it is ours as well. Jesus said, "When you have seen me, you have seen the Father." He also said that his disciples would do what he has done and even greater. That leaves me feeling quite the responsibility and quite a lot to live up to.

Then this weekend's epistle reading was Galatians 5:1, 13-25. You know, the whole Fruit of the Spirit list.

Sometimes, in a world full of sarcasm and cynicism, it's really hard to remember to respond with Christ's mind and not my own mouth, and to remember that I may be the only representative from God with whom someone may interact.

Am I behaving in a way that points to The Way, The Truth, and The Life?


Live the Life by Michael W. Smith

Were passengers aboard the train
Silent little lambs amidst the pain
Thats no longer good enough
And when its time to speak our faith
We use a language no one can explain
Thats no longer good enough

And God knows its a shame
As we look to pass the flame
We are not the worthy bearers of his name

Chorus:
For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we can't endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free

Theres something beautiful and bold
The power of a million human souls
Come together as one
And each in turn goes out to lead
Another by his word, his love, his deed
Now the circle is done

It all comes back to one
For it is he and he alone
Who has lived the only perfect life weve known

For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
Theres no love thats quite as pure
Theres no pain we cant endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free